Writing Amusing Shorts

Some email messages amaze and amuse:

hi,
i am XXX, a freelance writer, mainly concentrating on web content writing. i would like to know if u could provide me with content writing projects.

My response: No, not if this is any example of your writing skills.

I, NAME, author of the book XXX am looking for an agent who will work on percentage. I am planning on publishing two more books in the near future. If you are interested please feel free to call me at (###) ###-####.

My response: Agents don't work on percentages? I am an agent?

I recently started writing work for Business Credit Cards as a content writer. I would like to write a guest post related to Freelance/Web Worker/Work-at-home on your site if you're interested in accepting such a post. If you are interested, please let me know and I can send you an article for you to look over.

The Deal:

I will write a good, useful post/article on Freelance/Web Worker/Work-at-home specifically for your website/blog, free of cost. But I will need a by-line to build up my writing career. In addition, there will be a link to the Business Credit Cards site in the by-line. So, it will help all parties concerned.

Please note: Since I am a professional writer, I can write any topic that appeals to the audience of your blog/website.

My response: Hmm. Let's see: trade a byline and link to a third party's business website for an article that I could write blind-folded and hand-cuffed, and the piece is written by someone who doesn't know that "since" does not mean "because". Yeah, sure.

Quality is Key in Writing

Quality is the key factor in prolonging the preference for traditionally published over self published efforts. I'm referring to the quality of writing, editing, production, distribution and policy. This came to mind as I read the first book I knew was self-published, and by BookSurge no less. I was especially interested in the quality of the physical object and the appearance of the printed pages. The book proved a pleasant surprise. Nice layout, decent paper, great cover. From the quirky font used for page numbers and the plethora of illustrations, I suspect it was printed from .PDF files, probably prepared by the author.

All too often, self-published books look like they were printed on paper recycled from public toilets. Other problems include spacing issues between lines, letters, words and text on the pages (margins). Blah covers predominated the ones I've seen. Writing difficulties suggest a lack of professional editing. In fact, a lack of professionalism in most aspects marks self-publishing efforts, and this is what traditional publishing usually brings to the effort. Or maybe I should say, the professional touches used to be apparent. This winter I received a book for review from a Random House imprint. I had to check to see if they used "green" paper, but no such notice appeared. The paper was grey!Self-publishing authors cannot be expected to be experts in the intricacies of sales to bookstores and distribution of products, as well as commandeering advertising and marketing campaigns. A focus on producing high quality writing is enough for a one career. Publishing books is a complex industry that interfaces with and spawns other types of employment, e.g., printing being the most apparent. The traditional book industry's business model may be flawed, but the dinosaur lumbers on. Selling books to the public is yet another specialized type of work.

It is the lack of quality in all aspects, beginning with missing gatekeepers, that continues the bias against representing, reviewing, listing, and carrying self-published material. Many DIYers wind up becoming small publishers after learning all the elements involved with a first book (and often making many mistakes). When the inequity in quality reaches a balance (no matter how achieved), the disparity and disdain will automatically disappear. But no one person can do it all and well.

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